Women, Talit, Kippot…And Choosing Not To Wear Them

This post came out a comment over on JewsByChoice.Org.  Check out the initial post by Avi over there. 

When I try to visualize my Jewish upbringing in regards to synagogue I have only a handful of memories.  You see, I grew up in mostly Reform synagogues. Then, after my Bat Mitzvah, I was quite disconnected socially from Jewish life. Sure, I still went to synagogue on most high holidays, but not often enough to really have interacted with synagogue life as a young adult and rarely to the same synagogue.

Synagogue memories for me go something like this.  My family usually came in late, which I dreaded and swore to never do when I grew up (Yes, my husband and I are sometimes late).  My mom wore a lacey doilie on her head, which I never desired to wear. My father and brothers all wore kippahs. My step sisters and I did not.  I don’t recall anyone young wearing doilies or women’s kippahs of any sort. Sure, my mom and perhaps a few other ladies donned doilies but I don’t believe it was the majority. 

As far as Talit go, men for sure wore them.  I seem to believe that the majority of men did wear them.  Of course it was men who had already had a Bar Mitzvah.  As far as women go, girls definitely received talit for their Bat Mitzvahs and my guess is most young ladies did wear their’s. I on the other hand did not. 
I once tried to wear my talit to synagogue and it just didn’t work for me.  I have not worn one since.  I still have my Bat Mitzvah talit that was purchased for me by my great-grandmother who was in her nineties at the time. It is kept away. 

Let me say that if a woman desires to wear a talit or a kippah, so be it.  It’s just not for me. I’ll try to explain.

I’m a woman who grew up in a family where my gender was never really shoved down my throat. I liked helping my dad i n the garage, I liked gardening, I liked doing arts and crafts, I played soccer and was on our neighborhood drill team.  I hated skirts and wasn’t so much into the color pink. In many ways I was a tomboy that wasn’t. Huh? Yeah, I was a non masculine tomboy. You know, I don’t know if my family would say that. I was after all the youngest and a big cry baby.

Now I’m thirty-four.  I enjoy wearing skirts. I like wearing pants. The color pink looks good on me.  I own an electric drill and know much more about cars than many men I know.  I believe women truly can be ANYTHING they desire; regardless of gender lines. However, for myself, I like to know that there are gender roles that I can fill. I like knowing that there are things G-d has given women that he hasn’t given men. First and foremost, the ability to carry, nourish, and grow a child within. What a crazy amazing thing really!

In synagogue, I like knowing that men wear kippahs and talit, and women don’t. I don’t feel cheated of anything. I see that we each have our roles. In a way, men and women in Judaism are like a fine tuned machine, each having a specific gear and role to play.  According to JewFaq.Org, “Women’s obligations and responsibilities are different from men’s, but no less important (in fact, in some ways, women’s responsibilities are considered more important…)”. 

I know that the tradition of a woman not donning these religious items was not a way to “oust” women, it just was one of the ways in which men connected with G-d. Women connected differently. Men are required to pray in a minyan, women weren’t because women were considered on a higher spiritual plane by nature.  As it stands, I’m fine being counted as, or as not a minyan. Perhaps women will speak out and say I’m wrong or a hypocrite; but it works for me.

Of course, we all know that there are points in the Torah where women don’t seem revered; however, I did find this interesting take on it, also from JewFaq: “Women are discouraged from pursuing higher education or religious pursuits, but this seems to be primarily because women who engage in such pursuits might neglect their primary duties as wives and mothers. The rabbis are not concerned that women are not spiritual enough; rather, they are concerned that women might become too spiritually devoted.” 

Interesting no?

My husband wears a talit, he wears a kippah. I light Shabbos candles. G-d willing, when we have children, my role as a mother teaching her children values and manners, being a foundation in their spirituality, learning their first prayers, is as significant as my husband’s role in guiding them the way a father does.